Phantom Pain

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” – Henry David Thoreau

New Day

I feel as if I were experiencing “phantom pain” – sensation described as a perception  related to a limb loss as a result of amputation. Although all my limbs are intact, I feel like I’m learning how to walk again. My computer crashed and I lost all my writings, notes, and ideas that I have been working on lately for my next book, including my two children’s stories which I am  currently illustrating. I am still hopeful about those if my computer gets repaired, however, the rest of my poetry was written in a notepad which can’t be recovered. As I’ve shed a few tears I suddenly fell into painful darkness, hopelessness, and utter disbelief. But then the sad day turned into the night and the night into a new day and now I’m sitting at my husband’s computer, trying to continue some sort of a routine again. But instead of a sense of progress, I feel like a tourist in a foreign country not knowing the foreign language and street names, unsure which road to take. Quite lost and confused, parked at an intersection, I see nothing familiar to guide me to safety. My art is gone, with that it seems my soul, too, and the guiding North Star is not shining tonight. No reprieve in sight. Perhaps, as the saying goes, New Year means new start. I had no idea it would be this sudden and literal, I always took it more as a metaphor. But here I am and so is my new beginning. I only hope I won’t lose a limb this year or get lost in a place I don’t recognize. I hope I will find a new side of myself, a bright side I never knew before, new light. A new set of eyes, a refreshed mind, new breath to my art. I hope I will find my path.

Love & Peace

By Sharka Waite

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